Reflection on six weeks… or 25 years

Today is my last day in Canovelles/Granollers. This evening I will catch a train to Barcelona, only half an hour away, but I suspect I may never return to this small city. It’s been wonderful, and quite different from what I expected. In the past couple of weeks in particular, I’ve learned some things about myself. Things I didn’t know before.

That also means it’s six weeks since I started this blog. And I’m still loving it, and it’s keeping me in touch with friends, and giving me a reason to write, so thumbs up for blogging!

I finished reading Po Bronson’s What should I do with my life? and, of course, I got all introspective and started asking myself questions I can’t answer. Like, why did I just spend $3000(NZ) on an ELT course, and now I’m not even gonna use it for at least 6 months? Why do I spend so much time online when I love being outdoors so much? Why do I dream about having the chance to do nothing but write, but then when I get that chance, write very little? Why am I travelling? Will I ever feel like I belong anywhere? Will I ever be happy in one place… with one person?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not feeling maudlin or really doubting my decisions. I have reasons for doing everything I’ve done, and I’m happy with those reasons, I’m just trying to define exactly what I’m doing, and figure out if I’m on the right track to achieve my goals. I’m really excited about the job I’m starting in ten days or so. I’m in a generally good mood, but I still worry about my future.

So anyway, the book made me want to reassess my goals and I wrote some notes for myself, and wrote down my ‘limiting beliefs,’ like, “I’ll never live up to my potential,” “I’ll always crumble under pressure” and, “I’ll never ‘make it’ as a writer.” It’s nice to acknowledge these things, and say ‘hey, this is what I’m scared of.’ If I can name it, I can overcome it, right?

So I spent most of yesterday in the sunshine writing lists and goals and such like. And I still haven’t packed. Still my most hated activity: Packing. I just dislike it. It’s not even that hard this time; I don’t have to decide what to leave and what to take: it all comes with me, I just have to shove it in my bags and go. And yet, I put it off…

Tonight I’m meeting Matt (from Allen Hall days) in Barcelona! Yay! He’s here for an audition tomorrow. And I’m staying with Soraya and I get to see Alfred and then, next weekend, Maite and Maria and Brecht and Jorge, all from Oulu days! It’s going to be grand.

Tuesday week I fly to London, where I’ll meet my new co-workers, and a few weeks after I arrive, Tirian arrives to work at Pax Lodge, too. I met Tirian at Our Cabaña in 2007. It’ll be great to see her again. Have a lunch date with Jenny from high school in London on the 23rd, and after that… we’ll just have to see what happens. I’m hoping to find somewhere I can do zumba, and I’ve emailed the London Souwest Gang Show people to see if I can be involved – their show goes on in October. So many new and exciting opportunities! That’s what I’m all about.

And of course, I can’t think about values and goals without harking back to my three weeks at Outward Bound. Each watch creates a values system of five main values that they think are important. Kupe C518, thirteen amazing young people and myself, came up with B-FInGS: Five things to never forget in life.

  • B for Be your Bestness. Fairly self explanatory, and incorporating the Outward Bound philosophy of Greatness. With a capital G. Don’t just be; be Great.
  • F for Funness. What’s the point if you’re not having fun? Look for the positives and help others see them, too. Fun isn’t about just one person, it’s about everyone.
  • In for In-itness. Be ‘in it.’ Don’t hang back; give your all and play your part. Life is for living, don’t let it pass you by, and don’t watch while everyone else lives. Get involved in whatever way you can, even if it means stepping into the no-man’s land outside your comfort zone.
  • G for Got your Backness. Support. Life is not a solo journey. Be there for others, and trust that others will be there for you. You need a team to get most things done. If you find yourself alone, ask yourself why. Usually, people don’t leave you; you push them away or leave them behind. Got your Backness is about team work and looking out for one another. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who are important to you no matter what they can or can’t offer. What you can give them is often more important.
  • S for Straight-upness. Honesty. It’s simple and yet it’s really difficult to maintain. Be honest with yourself and others. If you need help, ask for it – a lesson I had to learn on Outward Bound, and one that doesn’t come easily to me. I pride myself on being independent. But I need other people just as much as anyone else. Don’t beat about the bush: tell the truth when it’s called for, offer help when you see it’s needed, ask for it when you can’t do it on your own. Be yourself, because no-one else will be.

Yeah, it should be B-FIGS, but B-FInGS sounds better.

Next blog post will be from Barcelona!

xEmma

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Categories: Guiding, Introversion, Learning | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Reflection on six weeks… or 25 years

  1. Just a note, I’m currently packing for dunedin and I have almost no room in my bag because….yep your fricken sleeping bag takes up half of the room.

    ok better now that I’ve vented that onto you.

    I just refuse to take a bigger bag cos I know I’m leaving that sleeping bag in dunedin and mums present….

  2. Haha! Never mind. Leave the sleeping bag behind. I’ll get it one day…

  3. Pingback: An open letter to myself « I'm writing here…

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